Attention All Departments

Attention all departments. Attention all departments.

I'm going to a party and it's going to be amazing.

There'll be pretty girls in glasses, actresses and artists.

And if I'm in late tomorrow, I'll blame it on the trains.

Attention all departments. Attention all departments.

We're going to get retarded on this cheap champagne.

We'll be making friends and and lovers in the stationery cupboard

Dancing to the covers that the band decide to maim.

There's going to be a party band

And all the secretaries are going to understand

Tonight, we're dancing with the management,

Dishing out the dance punishment.

Let's talk about work, baby.

Instead of you and me.

Let's talk about all your budgetary requirements

Your health and your safety.

There's going to be a party band

And all the secretaries are going to understand

Tonight, we're dancing with the management,

Dishing out the dance punishment.

Attention all Departments the Movie - click screen to play

This is the Fourth Time (I've Been in Your House)

I've been checking your records, I've been flicking through your DVDs,

I've been looking at your bookshelves, I've been thumbing through your magazines.

I've been staring at your ceiling every weekend for the last four weeks,

I've been trying to fight this feeling, I've been trying to get some sleep, because,

The first time you passed out

The second time you kicked me out

The third time we don't talk about

This is the fourth time I've been in your house.

After I kissed you in the kitchen, you said that we could just be friends.

Is there a meeting I've been missing? I swore I wasn't coming here again.

But now I'm standing in your wardrobe, and you're coming through the door.

You're not supposed to be back this early. I thought that Thursday was your course.

The first time you passed out

The second time you kicked me out

The third time we don't talk about

This is the fourth time I've been in your house.

Click here to download a demo version of 'The Fourth Time' as an mp3

Feeling European

Girl you know I'd love you like a holiday.

I'm packing the essentials and I've got my money changed.

I’ve been thumbing through the guide books,

I've been studying the map

To find your points of local interest

And take you off the beaten track.

SHA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAA
 

Well it wasn’t quite the holiday that you had planned,

You said I couldn’t find the campsite and my sleeping bag was damp.

But I bought a brand new phrase book

And baby by tonight,

I’ll have learnt a million ways to say

That I can blow your mind.

SHA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAA

When we go to sleep this evening we’ll be feeling European,

We’ll be steeped in history and swimming in warm beer,

I’ll be staring at your architecture and staggered by your art,

But worried that the politics will tear us both apart.

I’ve got to get away, on holiday, on an aeroplane.

Kolle alaaf you. Kolle alaaf you.

Speed Equals Distance Over Time

Everyone laughed at the tortoise when he limped over the line.

Although he had been victorious, we all knew the hare hadn't tried.

Because in his post-race interview, he seemed pleased with second place

He said, "When you reach my level, there's no such thing as an easy race."

Run, run, run, run. run.

Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)

I'll see you at the starting line.

The tortoise signed an autograph for a bored, bored looking child,

When the hare came careering past he found it hard not to smile.

Because he'd signed a deal that would keep him in the papers for weeks

And a hot shoe contract where all he had to do was sleep.

Run, run, run, run. run.

Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)

I'll see you at the starting line.

Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)

I'll see you at the starting line.

Just Another Sunday

Getting healed in a field

With a hundred thousand people;

Phones in the air

And their backs to the speakers.

This generation

Loves its photo taken

And we're standing at the back

Just like Stadtler and Waldorf

Secretly hoping

The whole thing is called off,

"This ain't half bad,"

"No. It's all awful."

We must have prayed for rain

James says he's never coming here again.

It's just another Sunday

With Martin and James.

This is what we came here for.

Martin was the man of the match,

He covered every blade of the grass.

By the end of the weekend

He'd got pleurisy

And swapped his credit card

For a fiver and some e's.

He must have played for rain.

James said he's never coming here again.

It's just another Sunday

With Martin and James

It's just another Sunday

On an industrial estate

This is what we were training for.

It's just another Sunday

With Martin and James.

It's just another Sunday

With Thunder and Suede.

This is what we came here for

This is why we trained.

The Flood The Flood

If we believe enough and we take things real slowly, we’ll make it through this flood;

Driving with Denilson (click to view) in the window.

If we believe in love and the tread in these old tyres,

We’ll make it to the pub for last orders and stories by the fire.

Wheels. The Flood, the flood, the flood.
Wheels. The Flood, the flood, the flood.

Well, the water’s getting higher, we watch it rise above the wheels.

Note to Death: go fuck yourself, I remember when all this was fields.

Wheels. The Flood, the flood, the flood.
Wheels. The Flood, the flood, the flood

Fall Down Sometimes

[Andrew] You should definitely go out with me. I’m twenty eight, you’re twenty three.

 Is that OK? Is that alright?

[Pippa] But I’m looking for a man who really works out, not a boy who’s afraid of the pollen count,

And there’s no way that I’ll compromise.

[Both] Fall Down, sometimes. And you might find you’re standing upright.

[Andrew] Well we race after love like a dog running after a car,

Never knowing what we’ll do if we caught one.

[Pippa] So we blame the drink and wave, we go home on different trains,

Pretending neither of us did anything so stupid.

[Both] Fall Down, sometimes. And you might find you’re standing upright

Click here to hear Fall Down Sometimes (Right click and 'save as' to download)

Windows 95

When I look in your eyes I see Windows 95.

They seemed like the future for a while.

They promised so much to oh so many,

Now they're still familiar, but less friendly.

And they're always on my mind like a karaoke Elvis,

A grim reminder of just how bright we used to shine.

And they're always on top, like the clock on my computer,

Always on top like a lover who won't try.

I had a dream as bad As Police Academy 3,

When they couldn’t get Guttenberg back on the streets.

In my dream it had been ten years since we first met,

And we hadn't found our golf sale yet.

'Cause I can read the signs, but I don't think I'll find you,

And if you read my mind you'd probably go blind.

And I can hear the crowd shouting, "she's behind you,"

But when I turn around you're already gone.

Girl, you’re a golf sale and I’m a tourist, and I want to know for sure,

Why you stand there and stare like The Cure doing ‘A Forest’

When you should be mine, oh Windows 95 we’ll need a brain.

Facts: Do you remember the dawn of Windows 95? What careree times eh? Those adverts with the Stones doing 'Start Me Up' (because of the NEW start button - do you see?) The queues of people who didn't even have computers buying the software because it looked so exciting and futuristic. Brilliant. Of course, this one isn't really about that. It is, with crushing inevitability, about a girl who rather fell out of love with us. Oh, and Police Academy Three is much worse than Police Academy Four.

Kiss Versus The Smiths

You and me up on the roof, hitting golf balls down the avenue.

Moving out of driving range, we watch them arc and fade away.

Going to the eighties night, dressed up like the Miner’s Strike.

Running for the twelve fifteen all lit-up like Christmas trees.

The last time that I saw you we were listening to Kiss,

I was trying to assure you they were better than The Smiths,

And I was right, I was right, I was right except for Crazy, Crazy Nights.

These are the nights of our lives.

These are the nights of our lives:

The pages I’ll save to my hard drive,

The files I’ll hide in the archives,

The tapes I will always rewind.

Facts: Bruce likes Kiss, Martin prefers The Smiths. Nick and Andrew are fans of both bands, James likes neither.

Bruce is probably the best at golf, Martin has never played. Andrew hits long with a big draw, Nick struggles with his mental game and James is just happy to get it in the air.

Lyrical note: In reality, the golf balls sent sailing down a West Midlands street in the first verse didn't so much "arc and fade away" as 'smash a window' and 'skull a dog'. That didn't sound quite as poignant, though. Funny the things that stay with you, isn't it?

They Launched a Probe

Hey Houston, we've got a problem,

I have seen the ships and there's hundreds of them.

An X marks the spot where we parked the car,

Where the engine stopped and we found out who we really are.

Somewhere in this universe there has to be a place for us,

I'm looking into space for us with telescopes and high hopes.

And if it gets too dangerous, we'll have to change our names,

They're looking in our special places, hiding in our secret bases.

They launched a probe, to tell us something we all know:

We're not alone. And we're never ever coming home.

Somewhere off the map I have seen those greys,

High above top secret in our special place.

Now the two of us, like scientists, experiment,

Before we disappear in history and common sense.

So make like a star and come out tonight.

She said, "They died a million years ago, and we've just now seen the light,

And the aliens abducting us know the Earth's too small for both of us,

But they need to see that we're just leaving 'cause we've got nothing to believe in".

They launched a probe, to tell us something we all know:

We're not alone. And we're never ever coming home.

Is it Leaves?

She jumped over the wall today, she didn’t smile, but she looked okay,

And in the half-light now, she tore the half-pipe down.

She’s kicking her feet up off of the ground, I’m watching her heart jump up and down.

And in the half-light now she tears the half-pipe down.

You’re all I want, you’re all I need,

Is it me? Or is it leaves?

Concrete over the superbowl, build a roller-coaster, a vision of the future.

In the half-light now, tear the half-pipe down.

If I could see you again, I’d think nothing of kicking a lion’s head clean off,

In the half-light now, tear the half-pipe down.

You’re all I want, you’re all I need,

Is it me? Or is it leaves?

You’re all I want, you’re all I need,

Is it me? Or is it leaves?

You’re all I want, you’re all I need,

Is it me? Or is it leaves?

You’re all I want, you’re all I need,

Is it me? Or is it leaves?

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