THE MONEY WON'T CHANGE ME (BUT THE FULL MOON MIGHT)

WOLFPACK OF ONE SINGLES CLUB: EIGHT
So this nice lady asked me to write something for magazine about 'change'. I thought long and hard about the topic. I thought about how change is essential to life, art, death and everything. I thought about how change is incredibly personal, political and powerful. And then I thought, wouldn't it be cool if a werewolf won the lottery? Sorry HW, I didn't finish my homework...

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I went up to collect the biggest cheque I've ever seen. Nine million pounds and change, it was a big rollover week. The lottery people wondered who would give the thing to me. I looked at their list and selected Girls Aloud and Ice T.

"You see I bought my scratchcard from a shop, yo Ice, I know that's a boring story. But now the scratching just won't stop, and I'm assaulting tourists." And there beneath the stagelights with Nadine from Girls Aloud my shirt it just burst open and hair started spilling out.

I've been feeling weird lately, I bought everybody quad bikes. The money won't change me, but the full moon might. I moved into a new place, with my own private driving range. I did the bedrooms out like Cribs but now I'm sleeping in a cage.

I made good my escape from the TV studio, I headed for the city centre via a pet shop that I know. Now normally my bank manager isn't all that pleased to see mebut I deposited nine million quid and half of Cheryl Tweedy.

I've been feeling weird lately, bought four cars I can't drive. The money won't change me but the full moon might. I'm developing a scent for blood and a strange taste in gold chains, you'd better get a silver bullet in case you see me start to change.

Take a look at me now: Big house, four cars and a bolt-hole in Manilla. I always wanted to lead the rock-star life, but maybe not Michael Jackson's. In Thriller.

I've been feeling weird lately, I've been chasing the neighbour's cat. The money didn't change me, but the full moon has.