TEARS OF A CLOWN

Secretly, I'd always hoped that Wolfpack of One's appeal was based on me having the savage energy of Black Flag, the vision and ambition of Bob Dylan and the startling, other-worldly good looks and charisma of prime-era Bowie. Deep down, though, I know you only actually like us 'cause I've got the act of Jasper Carrott. Gutted.

Still, that's a start - and why I absolutely promise not to moan when I play at a comedy night called *ahem* Bucketful of Fun in The Basement of the Bodrum, 61 Stoke Newington High Street N16 8EL on Friday 7th of October.

What am I saying? I hate comedy. I absolutely promise to moan loudly and long. And to do all the sad ones. And to not do any jokes at all. And to go and stand on my own, and leave on my own, and go home and cry and want to die. etc. Oh God.